Denial comes about when people don’t want to face something about themselves, usually because they are afraid that the truth will mean they are an unacceptable person. They have some inner image of what they should be like, and they deny whatever doesn’t fit that image. When they start to come close to seeing the unattractive aspects of themselves, they feel horrible, and will do anything and everything to get away from that feeling. Deep down inside, of course, they know exactly what the truth is, and they know they are denying it, but they manage not to not think about it as much as possible.
People who are strongly in denial tend to be quite harsh toward people who have the traits they wish they had, but don’t. For example, someone who says, “I am a very loving and enlightened person filled with truth, and I have no judgments toward anyone” who is, in fact, not very far on a loving, non-judgmental path and also not very honest (especially, of course, to themselves), when encountering someone who is the real deal, will turn rather viciously on the person who is a true embodiment of that which they wish they were, but aren’t. This is because the person who exemplifies what they wish they were, but aren’t, is shining a light on the fact that they aren’t. No matter how much a dishonest person would like to think they are fooling others, the fact is that dishonesty carries with it a host of characteristics that give away the truth at every turn. A dishonest person is able to convince themselves they are honest, or that they have others fooled into thinking they are honest, only as long as they don’t have someone who is truly honest around them. When a truly honest person is around them, the contrast between the characteristics of the honest person and the characteristics of the dishonest person makes it clear what is really going on, even if no one says anything.
Hence, they attack. Ironically, if such people would spend that energy focusing inwardly on themselves, and asking themselves what they can change in themselves to become more truly what they wish to be, they would neither need to be in denial nor would they need to attack others. The first step on any journey is to recognize where you are and to decide where you want to go. If you don’t know where you are, you can’t see where to go in order to reach your goal. And if you don’t have that goal (for example, if you are already telling yourself you are filled with truth—so therefore, how can you have a goal of being filled with truth? You think you are already there!), then you can’t make progress toward it.
Though it can’t be taken as an absolute that every time someone says “I’m not ___” or “I am ___” that the opposite is true. You have to use your inner sense of what feels right. You have to take responsibility, in other words, for your part of the equation, no matter what the other person is saying and doing. After all, like everyone, you have the power of choice, and like everyone, you can choose to think, speak, and act as you wish.
